Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
