sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
