I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
