Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
