So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
