She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We left the knife in your bed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
