Joe is yelling at the trees again.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
