ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
