Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
