he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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