I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
