sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
