Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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