Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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