i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
