i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I did not marry a roomba.
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