i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
