Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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