Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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