I wish I could teleport
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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