I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
