I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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