Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
