I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
