HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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