I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
