I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You are the jesus of drinking
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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