apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize