when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
