my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
