please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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