drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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