Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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