his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
