Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
