its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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