I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
