Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
