I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
