if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
