dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
