Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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