You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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