The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
