I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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