Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
