I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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