We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I love black thongs
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
