I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Randomize
