I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
