So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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